How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
