Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
