She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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