if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
