I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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