I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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