I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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