I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
