Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
