Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
