Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize