I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
