he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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