Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
