I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
