Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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