i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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