I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
