She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
