Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize