I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
