I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
