my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
