Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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