you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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