How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
