Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
