All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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