you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
