I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
