Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
