bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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