Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
