I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
