she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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