My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
