They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
