you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So. Much. Porn.
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