i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
