Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
