Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
