I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
