watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
