my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize