I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
