she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
