Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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