my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
