I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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