I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
