I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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