Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
