Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
