Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
PANTIES FOUND
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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