So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
