it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love having hate sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
