I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
