Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
