The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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