I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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