Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
