whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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