I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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