Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
that's an acceptable place to lick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
