Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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