Apparently you make a good broom.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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