I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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