I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
