i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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