Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love having hate sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
