did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
