I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
