Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
