so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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