I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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