So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
