If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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