I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
