ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
