You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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