I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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