It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
