is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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