We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
